Summer

Well, summer has finally passed. And when I say "finally" I really mean it.

It does sound somewhat sad to say, but this has been a summer of constant change, being stretched, challenged, and uncomfortableness. Yet, it has been wonderful, life-changing, and thought provoking.

Summer started when I came back in June, after my grandmother had passed. I came back full swing into the ministry. I never really had any down time to process. Nor did I necessarily want it. For me it was easier to just keep going rather than think about what had happened and face the change in my life. However, as with most things it caught up to me. And I realized that I was miserable, tired, worn out, and just broken. I could barely work, I couldn't be there for the people that needed me, and I couldn't serve God to the best of my ability, which is what I'm ultimately called to do. My prayer mentor and manager gave me  some special shifts where I could just take some time for myself to get rested and refreshed.  In those two days I read a book called "Hind's Feet in High Places" It's a devotional in story format, which centers around a girl called Much-Afraid and she is much afraid and shepherd who wishes to change her life.  This shepherd leads her on a journey to become  Grace and gives her two companions, Suffering and Sorrow, who eventually become joy and peace. What hit me the most was this one part where Much-Afraid is asking the Shepherd why he bothers with her clumsiness and fear. He responds "because, I see you as what you will become." That struck me so deeply as what God sees us as, not as we are, but what we will be. It was so encouraging, because it allowed me to feel broken, lost, sad, and hurt, while knowing that it won't be like that forever. Through that I've been learning to me more honest with myself.  And to rest in Him and take Him with me wherever I go. Sounds so simple once I write it down, but for so long I went on my own strength forgetting that he can help me out! I've even learned to rejoice in my sufferings!

So, what I've been doing now is becoming more selfish. Strange I know, but I need my rest, so that I can be used by God, that I can impact lives. I walk to work, I take a moment in the day where I just sit and do nothing. I create a thankful list for what God has done for me. And, I talk to him. The result has been that I am rested, I'm more joyful, more peaceful, less worrisome, and I have a light to shine.

So though this may have been an incredibly difficult summer. I'm so thankful, because I grew closer to God. What else can I ask for?